u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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