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hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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