So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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