Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
