oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
