i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
