dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
