i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
