im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
