Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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