youre lurking in front of me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
