I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
