your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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