I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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