I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
