Pants 0. Shit 1.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
bring money and cleavage
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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