Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
