you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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