We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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