Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
