Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
