Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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