she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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