is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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