You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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