She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
bring money and cleavage
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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