So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
