The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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