I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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