I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it's great music for shaving your balls
porn star boner night. come get it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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