; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm jealous of your bromance
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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