I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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