I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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