I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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