This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
