pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
