I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
