We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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