gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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