nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
