im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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