Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
