If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
