I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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