chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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