no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
