Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Are we still banned from the library?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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