is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
