She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can you bring me the toilet please
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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