I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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