Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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