Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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