You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
