I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
