I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
