And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize