I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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