So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
