turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize