I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
