I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
