No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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