Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
