i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
