3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
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My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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