You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
