3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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