Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My liver just had a heart attack.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
