I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
