carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
