: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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