The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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