Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
