i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
