Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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