dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
