She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
