i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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