Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There's always time for handjobs
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
