Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
