I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
