Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
