Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I need to calm my uterus...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
