If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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