i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
