she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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