When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So I just went to clothing optional bar
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
