Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
