I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
