Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
