i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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