I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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