and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
