After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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